Ten Times Calmer by Kirren Schnack

Author:Kirren Schnack
Language: eng
Format: epub
Publisher: Pan Macmillan UK

Do you recognize anything from Khadija’s experience with disturbing emotions in yourself? Ineffective emotional regulation creates heightened distress, compelling you to resort to unhealthy coping mechanisms as a way to swiftly escape the intensity of your troubling feelings. While you might gain some temporary relief, this kind of coping doesn’t enhance your ability to manage troubling emotions or develop a greater tolerance for distress in the long run. This cycle of poor emotional regulation and decreased distress tolerance exacerbates anxiety issues. My clinical experience has shown me how mental health is inextricably linked to a person’s ability to be adaptive and flexible in managing their emotions and increasing their ability to tolerate distress. The clinical research supporting this is enormous, not just for anxiety problems but for every single mental health issue.8

Nobody likes to feel anxious or distressed. Just like all other emotions, the distressing emotions brought on by anxiety are an inevitable part of being human. You can’t escape distress, but you can learn to manage it better so it’s less disturbing to you. Trying to escape distress is exactly what makes it more disturbing. If you view feelings as intolerable, you’ll try hard to get rid of them, and these attempts will inadvertently worsen your problem. It’s okay to feel what you feel, whenever you feel it, because feelings just are.

How Anxiety Hinders Emotional Regulation

Problems with emotional regulation are linked to increased symptom severity in anxiety disorders, as well as many other mental health problems. High-level anxiety creates difficulties in emotional regulation, including dysfunctional, inflexible and unhelpful reactions to your feelings. In this section we’ll explore four key ways in which anxiety can hinder the regulation of emotions: emotional distress reinforcing anxious thoughts, emotional suppression, avoidance of emotion and impulsive reactions to emotional distress.

Emotional distress reinforces anxious thoughts

The intense emotions that accompany anxious thoughts and sensations can make you believe that what your anxious thought is telling you is true. These intense emotions are not an indication that your anxious thoughts are true. But because anxiety distorts your perception of reality, it becomes really hard to tell the difference between actual threats and perceived dangers, and this can be so much harder when you experience intense emotion. You may use the turmoil of your emotions to unintentionally strengthen and validate your anxious thoughts, which then makes them seem more legitimate. Have you had thoughts that you’ve assumed are factually correct based on the associated emotions you experience with them? Thoughts like this can trigger intense fear, which can be challenging to manage. In response, you may resort to unproductive coping mechanisms, further perpetuating the cycle of anxiety and keeping you trapped in its grip.

Suppression of emotions

Another common strategy that anxiety sufferers use to manage their emotions is suppression. Do you find yourself attempting to suppress the troubling feelings you experience? As if you have a strong aversion to experiencing them, having them be present or expressing them, whether through words or in any visible physical sense. Trying to

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